Crying, Driving & Ice Cream

Sunday morning my daddy woke up in a bad mood.  Side note: If you know my daddy he's generally a very jovial fellow.  Even with this disease, most days he's in a good mood.  On Sunday he woke up, got dressed (even with his shades on) and sat in his chair.  Didn't turn on the Tv, eat any breakfast, he didn't even have a cup of coffee - daddy & I are serious coffee addicts. 

Danger, danger - it looks like it's going to be a bad day.  There had been warning signs Saturday night as my kids & I were visiting & he went to bed before we left without saying bye.
Mama had a girl's afternoon scheduled with her friend, so I had to call in reinforcements (my brother) to make sure daddy didn't get into anything - you never know what will strike his fancy, especially when he's in a "mood."   In addition to the general malaise on Sunday he also accused one of the grandkids of stealing his money - he had just misplaced his money clip.

Fast Forward: Monday morning daddy did not want to go to the adult facility, though mama managed to get him there.  Since he was probably still in the mood I decided to pick him up from the facility. 
Once we left, I could tell he was still in a mood.  Normally very social, he didn't even want to say goodbye to his favorite other attendee - he just got in the car.  We ran to the grocery store, he always wants to buy the grandkids candy, but not today.  Though he did perk up when he mentioned he thought we should go get an ice cream  and it would be "our secret"

While eating my ice cream I had gotten some on my nose and tried to get a response out of him:
Me: Look daddy, I've got ice cream all over my nose.
Daddy: (looking straight ahead) hmmm
Me: You didn't even look
Daddy: (glancing over at me - no response)

Let's try another tactic. 
Me: What's wrong?
Daddy: Nothing
Me: Do you not like going to the facility?
Daddy: Not every week (he meant every day), but I'm going to do what SHE (referencing my mom) tells me to do.
Me: Well daddy, I'm the one who said you need to go more days, not her.

I've taken on the role of mama's defender - wish I could have some awesome cape or hero costume with the role.   My goal through this whole mess (the disease) is to protect daddy & guard my mama's well being. 

Well the above conversation dragged on - of course I started crying, but not wanting daddy to see, kept my sunglasses on and quickly wiped away any stray tears.  It's so frustrating trying to reason with someone who's lost most of their capacity to reason, due to this disease.  I always describe it as a dance: he makes a move, I try to follow, if we get off course, I try to lead us back - this crazy dance changes lead partners all the time.

The good news: Daddy was in a much better mood after our ice cream drive.  Who knows: was it the ice cream, the talk, or he just forgot he was upset?   Really it doesn't matter.  Today we have my non-grumpy daddy back, I love it and we treasure it while it lasts. 

The main thing I've learned while journeying with this disease: life, time, emotions are all fleeting.  We do the best we can, with what we have, while we have it.  We're living life now, we can't wait til things get better or our situation changes to live our life.  Life is fluid: always changing.  Each moment should be treasured because we'll never get that moment back.